Quite Beastly, Possible Delirium
before you stands the grandest
on which you’ve heard others play
majestic melodies, their limber fingers
inspire your songbird to pray
the seat is lumpy, but there’s so much to say
rehearsed songs recede like the tide
suddenly at sea, you stab at the keys
any notes will do, the truth or a lie
in horror, you look down, when all you see
the bottom key: pitch black and plainly rotten
across the dim, out of reach, the highest note rests
chasm—my song remains forgotten
these measured notes are hidden ‘til another suggests
for the white heat of the spotlight blinds and arrests
Quivering Belief in Positive
I don’t relate to things properly these days
childlike delight or righteous anger, there is no other way
you don’t see what I see, the sky is breaking apart
i’m betrayed by instincts trained
to see in the dark
i’ve been wishing that I wasn’t for awhile
whiling away the days, wishing for what isn’t
wanting without moving, thinking without doing
feeding the ego: a black belt in bitter rueing
radically accepting, loving and forgiving will poke light through drawn blinds
repairing frayed strands is possible, I’ve seen it done, on the rope that binds
these revelations from up high are so clear in my mind…
as the fog descends once more
I’m not done with you yet, you arrogant fool.
faith in another life, a different point of view
it’s farcical, you must know it, without any tools
no bolt cutters, no key, no gratitude
on and on
and on we go
Quick Belittling of Personal Disposition
boundaries are fickle things, in the face of the drug of desire
of joy and hurt,
of fear and love, they all possess and transcend higher
what would I be, without this mask forged in fire?
tested, perfected, to lift a heavy heart
yet when the curtain falls, I’m left a liar
fades, and I fall apart
There is nothing at the centre.
I search my eerie insides unsure what I’m looking for
Urgency. Belief. An anchor. An escape.
There is no stable centre.
in a state
of flux, in the spotlight, I scramble to my feet
cobbling together a message to be deciphered
the chameleon exits as I return to the abyss
and am again, left alone, without myself
There is no solid centre.
the emptiness dwells a dense gas. such heavy legs.
undermining hope and blind to answers
nobody is at the wheel
no trust in myself.
why create when time curdles pride into hate
never enough. Never Enough
the manual is missing, no clue how to build
if you hand me the instructions they’ll be gone by dawn
tossed in the shredder of a muddled mind.
they try to hide their scorn with thunderous ovation
but I see
the charity behind the praise
Nobody wants you.
don’t trust them, they’re biding their time ‘til your back is turned
waiting for their chance to pummel you with silence.
You will be abandoned.
The Quest to Befriend a Psyche Divided
Scary Is Good Actually
balancing on the social tightrope jolts awake weary bones
but the cold comfort of silence welcomes. I
am wrapped around myself; at home
fuck that. the grave is certain, life should be anything else
beneath the tightrope lies a net, for I am not alone
Finding Inspiration While Drowning
Alone. what I want is out of reach,
I cannot fold time you see
I ask the question – what am I willing to do?
the resolute answer arrives as absolute negation: to not be.
reminded of words, words sent by a friend, words to light a spark within. I love you.
It Doesn’t Have To Be This Way
so love yourself, reject the despair and need to wallow
free your mind, create, and your body will follow
stuck in bed, a static hurricane of self-inflicted pain
give in to hope.
soon you won’t feel as hollow
Sometimes Perspective Is All You Have
the power of perspective, the constant balm
feeling vulnerable and naked, it can provide calm
Everything is possible, and Nothing can be realised.
the tornado starts spinning
this invitation to despair. it finds an entrance. But I am not listening.
Everything Sunny all the Time Always. Good times. Beach party.
It’s Never Too Late To Start
cold. Yes it’s 4am. Get Up and Go Pee.
don’t rob the future, for the only way is through
act. Act. ACT. Accept, commit, fail and do it all again
don’t deny yourself, silly billy. embrace the discomfort. be kind to you
The answers aren’t on this page, or any other.